Are you still in love with him or are you feeling rejected?
How to get over your ex for good
Ideally what we want is to be with our soulmate or whatever version of that you believe in. We want a deep love and connection with another person that lasts. For the sake of this guide, I am going to use the term soulmate, but feel free to adjust this to what makes sense for you.
Ultimately, what kind of relationship do you want to be in?
Would you call this person your soulmate or something else?
Was your ex acting like your soulmate? (This answer is either a yes or a no, there is no in-between. If it’s a ‘sometimes’ then it’s a no. It’s like you can’t be kind of pregnant.)
You can never lose love
Whether it was your decision or their decision, it doesn’t make it easier
Either way, the feelings of love are still there. They still, in some form or fashion, love you even though that may not be obvious. Also, their form of ‘love’ may not be a good or healthy type of love.
Just know they still care about you as a person. Also you haven’t lost anything. You still have their love.
Love doesn’t go away, it just transmutes.
How so you still have love?
How can you show yourself love and compassion right now?
The pattern is the problem
We tend to blame our partners or past partners for the problems in our relationships, but there is a bigger force that keeps us picking the people we do and even if we pick good people, this force brings us into these patterns that we want to avoid.
We have a relationship pattern that we need to recognize. For a lot of people, they formed this pattern by watching their parents and then they either replicated this same pattern or they rebelled against this pattern, vowing it would never happen to them. Either way, our subconscious works really hard to stay in that pattern.
We go into relationship after relationship repeating that pattern and even if we try really hard to ‘pick safer partners’, we still end up (usually this starts about 6 months in) repeating the same patterns.
I watched my mom stay in a non-relationship marriage where my dad wasn’t around a lot. I watched her struggle with abandonment issues and not feeling good enough.
I carried this pattern out in my marriage and in my two relationships after that. I even tried to pick safe partners that wouldn’t abandon me or neglect me and I still had the same problem.
What is your relationship pattern?
Did you get this from your parents?
Are you imitating their pattern or are you rebelling against their pattern?
Have you noticed that the more you try to get away from this pattern, the more you relive this pattern in your life?
How many years have you been reliving this pattern?
Believe what you need to believe to move on. Most people have been telling themselves they are in love with this person for years. Basically, when we are in a relationship, we tell ourselves all these things to keep the relationship going and while those things might have been true and they were good things to help us stay in the relationship, those same things will no longer serve us.
We need to be telling ourselves a different story.
What have you been repeating to yourself about the relationship that is keeping you in the relationship but is no longer serving you?
What can you tell yourself that you believe and that will help you move on?
What is the most healthy version of that new belief?
A lot of times we remember the good things about our exes and tend to take the blame in the relationship or for the failure of the relationship. We need to know that there is equal responsibility from both parties and therefore there is equal blame.
How were they not showing up as your soulmate?
How were you being available (tolerating) this behavior by not setting boundaries or walking away?
What red flags were you ignoring?
After you have worked through this, the most important thing you need to do is tell yourself a different story. Tell yourself the healthiest thing you can so that you can break free and move on. But you need to believe what you are telling yourself 100% for this to work.
Write out some new beliefs below. I have written a few to get you started.
He wasn’t my soulmate.
My soulmate is on his way.
I am loveable.
Getting over your ex is the first step to manifesting your soulmate.
You can’t be with the wrong guy when the right guy comes along.