Most people in relationships are finding ways to avoid their relationship…
Let’s be clear…
You are not in a relationship if they are married to their job
And you are sleeping alone every night.
We are getting into ‘relationships’ and finding ways to avoid intimacy (not just sex)
If we are the workaholic, we can give give give financially and securit-ily (had to make that word up to fit) but we can still hold back our vulnerability
So we go into the nagging… ‘why won’t you be with me?’ ‘I do everything for you’ and the shut down shit…
You are not in a relationship if you are emotionally, mentally and sexually neglected.
Security is not a relationship. Stop lying to yourself.
Also, how are you emotionally, mentally, and sexually neglecting yourself? Take care of that shit before you point fingers.
You are not in a relationship if ‘you see potential’.
(Please leave NOW!! NEVER DO THIS!)
I know you ‘see potential’ but THAT’S NOT THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH. You are with the person who IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT. Check in with reality. What IS WILL ALWAYS BE.
You are NOT in a relationship if they are cheating on you, doing drugs behind your back and promising ‘it’ll never happen again’.
I understand forgiving and all of that, but you will NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF for forcing yourself to be in a place where you feel unsafe and are always looking over your shoulder… in fact, you will get to a point where you LOATHE YOURSELF for staying.
You are not in a relationship if they are emotionally unavailable.
Already covered this.
You are not in a relationship if you have ‘exhausted everything you know to do’ and you want to leave.
Giving 90% is the same as giving 0. Fix it or get the fuck out
All in or all out. This leads to you cheating… and NO I don’t believe ‘you would never cheat’. I know you are a good person and YOU believe you would never cheat and you have no intention of cheating, but… look, your integrity is already coming into play with you being 1/2 in this relationship. So just based on integrity alone – 1/2 in, is the same as cheating.
You are not in a relationship if you are with them to ‘help’ them –
MEANING…you are trying to validate your own self-worth by being with someone that “needs” you.
You are supposed to be their lover, not their savior. That job has already been filled. Thank you, Jesus. So stop trying to give, earn, and work to MAKE the other person happy. You need to take care of yourself, love yourself and love the other person. It’s not a job. No wages are given and no score is kept.
For some reason people are into ‘look how hard I tried’ ‘I Worked so hard’ ‘I gave everything’
Well, maybe that’s the problem. That wasn’t your job.
Your job in a relationship is to love yourself first, take care of yourself first (which means you are going to say no to all the bullshit above if you really love yourself) and then love the other person.
Yes, go to work and love your job, but don’t use it to avoid the relationship.
Yes, help the other person, but don’t avoid being open, communicating, being vulnerable, and being sexual.
And stop picking relationships that allow you to run from the relationship…
Relationships with people that live long distance.
Relationships with people who work all the time.
Relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
I’m not saying these issues won’t come up. People get busy, all the things, but I’m saying…
If you are avoiding the relationship with yourself, you’ll probably get into one of the above.