I FUCKIN BUILT MY SUCCESS ON FEAR AND ANXIETY‼️
And it WORKED! ??
I married a man that had cheated on me, keeping that secret from my closest friends out of shame. ????
??????I got two college degrees because I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted so I needed that security, that validation.
I rushed through both times, not really meeting many people or even getting to experience college life – besides the homework and exams. ⏰⏰⏰
???I got a software engineering degree for the money – and DAMN did I earn it, paying for it with the crushing weight suppressing my soul because I wasn’t doing something that I loved – or even liked. ??
But damn.
The money, am I right? Soooo worth it.
$200k a year ???
My happiness could wait.
And the anxiety? Eh, that’s part of it.
???I pushed that shit down.
I got my Mini Cooper. ???
??For Christmas.
Loved it.???
We got to live in Vegas for a couple of years.
So awesome. I created my first business there. Loved it. ??
???Oooohhhh… And you want to know how I got into fitness? This story is so good!
Ok, so before the money, before the second degree, before Vegas, and before the Cooper…
?❤️???❤️???❤️??Right at the very beginning of our relationship…
I was told that I was gaining weight. That tied together with him cheating… Well, I got the memo. ??
???Shape up or I’d be left.
So… for the first time ever I started weightlifting and eating tuna out of the can.
Daily driven by fear, I made sure I was fit.
???But he did leave me.
Emotionally.
☠️☠️☠️Physically.
Sexually.
???I was alone.
But worse.
I was married and alone.
But I was fit.
And I felt great,
Except… emotionally…
But that didn’t fucking matter.
No one can see that.
I can push that shit down!
Done.
Except you can’t.
It comes up like vomit after eating bad sushi.
And boy, does it come up.
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After about 10 years, my anxiety was so bad that I started talking about leaving… ???
Undecided.
Feeling bad.???
Like I hadn’t forgiven him for that ONE time.
Like I should be grateful for the life I had worked so damn hard for.
Did I want to throw it all away?
Was I mad?
Why wasn’t I strong enough?
Was I just an ungrateful bitch?
I HAD everything.
And my life wasn’t that bad.
But my depression was.
And my anxiety was.
My fear?
Honestly, my fear was coming from the thought of losing everything…
But no.
At this point, I felt like I had nothing.
I was empty inside.
Completely empty.
I didn’t even feel my soul.
I had nothing left to lose.
So, no.
There was no fear.
But when my mom died of cancer at 47, it made me realize that I couldn’t stay.
Time was ticking. I felt it in my body. I HAD to squeeze as much as I could into every second I had.
Yes.
I built my success on fear.
I basically missed 12 years of my life because of it.
I got a divorce and sold my house because of it.
I was angry, bitter and resentful because of it.
I hated myself because of it.
Oh! YOU think you are doing better? You think you are STRONGER than me? And that you can suppress your feelings?
I call BULLSHIT…
Because it’s coming up RIGHT now…
You are eating crap…
You are drinking…
You aren’t taking care of yourself…
You are HIDING in your room…
You are HIDING by working all of the time…
You are miserable in your relationship or staying single and miserable…
You are watching an unheard of amount of porn…
You are cheating…
You are angry and resentful…
And what it comes down to is… someone abandoned you, someone cheated on you, someone said you’d never amount to anything…
BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT’S NOT WHO YOU ARE!
YOU ARE AMAZING!
It just takes you being honest about where you are and where you REALLY want to be.
Back to my story…Fast forward to today…
I’ve learned to love myself and listen to my intuition.❤️❤️❤️
I’ve found that I’m passionate about bodybuilding and competition.
I’ve worked through my abandonment issues and relationship issues.
I’ve created a business that I love and I am truly passionate about.??????
⛔⛔⛔Fear and anxiety?
Yes. They come to stop in every now and then…
but it’s literally just a check-in…
“Am I ok?”
“Am I doing what’s right for me?”
“Be careful.”⚠️⚠️⚠️
But they rarely show and they never stay.
They just want to check on me.
And that’s ok.
We are friends now.
I love my life ❤️❤️❤️
And I’m grateful for all of my past, but I’d never wish that on anyone.
What I want more than anything is for you to start getting what you want now and to be happy – because it IS possible for you.
It’s TIME to Flip the Switch!
Nichole
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