I wish I could tell you it’s easy to ‘find happiness’…
I’ve come through so much in the past year an a half and have had success after success, but none of that matters.
The guys,
the success,
my business,
the money –
nothing.
I wish I could tell you that it does.
It would be a lot easier.
“Just get this and you’ll be happy.” I’d say.
But that’s not the truth.
I think we all somehow believe it is and so we make up these arbitrary goals and run furiously after them, running ourselves into the ground and convincing ourselves that “This is it!” only to reach that goal and find ourselves empty.
But everything in our lives is bringing us back to the truth that happiness is found inside ourselves, but there’s a catch.
We aren’t finding the happiness there either because we’ve punished ourselves,
lied to ourselves,
held our heads underwater to try to drown ourselves in toxic relationships, and
run ourselves down for money and possessions all because we are afraid of what other people will think of us.
And because we keep doing this to ourselves…
we don’t trust ourselves.
In fact, we despise ourselves for this.
We hate ourselves more than we hate people who have lied to us,
cheated on us,
and abandoned us.
And the way we deal with our self-loath?
We go back to ask the questions, ‘what else we are missing in our lives?’
What else needs work?
What else can I improve?
Basically, we stay so DAMN busy that we don’t feel the pain of betrayal.
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So no.
We can’t find happiness
in our relationships,
in our business,
in our trophies,
in our bodies, or
in ourselves.
And we get to a point where we look at these things and blame them for letting us down.
And we file for that divorce, quit our business, or binge eat. And this becomes our cycle.
But I can tell you that the heartbreaks, the guys, everything I’ve been through in the last year has led me on a journey of healing, love, and intimacy with myself. I know that a guy won’t be the answer but when I guy doesn’t show up for me, I’m able to be with myself, comfort myself, and cry with myself because I can be vulnerable with myself.
And life isn’t about accomplishments. Life is about learning how to feel alive and the only way to do that is to come back to yourself,
learn to forgive yourself,
start building trust with yourself,
start building a relationship with yourself,
start saying yes to yourself and your desires, and
start putting yourself first.
And all this happens when you decide what you want… what your goals are… what you want to accomplish… and you support yourself in going after these goals.
People talk about mindset, but all mindset is, is loving yourself so fucking much that you back yourself in going after the desires of your heart.
And when things get hard and the world feels dark – and there will be so many times, but when it does… you can reach out and grab your own hand and pull yourself out of that dark hole.
Happiness is found when you go to yourself and create a relationship where you go after the things in the world that excite you and light you up – when you go with yourself.
It’s found in the journey of learning who you are, what you are capable of, what excites you, making plans, comforting yourself during the sad times, forgiving yourself when you’ve really fucked up, loving yourself despite the unmentionable things you’ve done, and always backing yourself.
That’s where happiness is found.
And no, you won’t always be happy, but what’s deeper is creating a world that supports your happiness and always being there for yourself.
That’s what creates happiness even on the days you end up crying.
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